I started reading Radical Acceptance after listening to Gwyneth Paltrow interview Dr. Tara Brach on her Goop podcast. I loved that they did the RAIN practice together and given my own background in researching protocols, I think it is an important one to share. The RAIN protocol is a practice to try whenever you are feeling intense emotions or anxiety. You can find the full protocol in the book, but I like to use a this quick guide to keep it practical:
R-recognize what’s going on
A-allow the experience to be there
I-investigate with interest and care
N-nurture with self-compassion
One the reasons I started this blog was to spread awareness about strategies we can use to regulate our nervous systems and share with others. The most important thing I want to share is that just because something seems simple, it doesn’t mean it isn’t effective. The key is finding a simple practice that makes sense to you so you can use it consistently. I cannot stress enough how important it is to build a consistent routine. It is the only way I was able to feel relief for my anxiety. When I was desperate enough to try mindfulness strategies I did not see any improvement at first, but doing something felt better than doing nothing so I kept trying. I am so grateful for the small intuition I felt that told me I should keep going because when everything did finally click -it was life changing.
I wanted to share a few highlights from the book that I’d love to discuss. The first is the line, “I see you, Mara.” I love this concept because it is the heart of what all my self-help studies have taught me about managing my anxiety. I used to get caught up in day-long anxiety spirals until I learned to recognize when I was in it. I struggled for so long until I learned this about this ancient practice. Whether you use Mara or another name for your anxiety, it is such an effective way to stop spiraling. Throughout my healing journey, I have realized that so many of the “issues” I faced were all just my anxiety lying to me. As relieved as I was to come to this conclusion, I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that I’d been believing it for so long. I also felt angry about all the times I lived in discomfort because I was searching outside of myself for answers to what was wrong with me. No one ever told me that everything I needed to heal myself was already within me. I needed to learn to stop listening to the negative thoughts inside my head and start creating a new inner monologue.
The next most important takeaway from the book is a quotation from Rumi. He states, “The cure for pain is in the pain.” My experience with pain had always been complicated. As soon as I began to feel I am healing from my pain, it seems as if I get blindsided by new pain. I keep waiting for it to subside so I could being to manage it. However, meditation has taught me that I can face the pain, let myself feel it, and still survive. This revelation has given me the strength to go on when I have those days when the pain just feels as if it is too much to bear.
Lastly, I want to leave you with the line, “Understanding that the pain in our life is an expression of universal suffering opens us to the fullness of Radical Acceptance.” I see this as my final thought on the book. When we see that we cannot experience joy if we haven’t lived through pain, we can start to accept what it means to be human.
What are your takeaways from this book?
